Self-care is not a luxury, but a need

What if I told you that self-care is a need, not the luxury that we've been told it is? What if taking care of oneself is not a practice reserved for the privileged, for the ones who have time, for those who actually seem to need it the least?

We tend to associate self-care with taking a hot bubble bath, going shopping for a nice new dress, or going to a yoga class. Even though these are all forms of self-care, there's more to it than meets the eye. Self-care often involves making decisions that will help you free your mind. This includes telling that "friend" that drains your energy that you can't see her anymore, cancelling plans when your heart is not in it, and scheduling time to do something you want or need to do for yourself. Whatever it is that makes you feel centred and content.

Some of the misconceptions around self-care include the idea that by taking care of ourselves, we are letting others down. Nothing further from the truth. It's actually the opposite!

I first started to understand what self-care meant when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a chronic rheumatic condition which cause is unknown and that affects mostly women. At 26, I was still too young to understand that taking care of myself meant I had to slow down. To cut down. It wasn't until much later, when I suffered a massive burnout at work and I became a mom shortly after, that I fully understood that self-care couldn't wait. It was either taking care of myself or collapsing.

Take care of yourself, so you can take care of others

Being nurturing, caring, and respectful towards others is something to be proud of, but, what about you? How do you make sure you are nurturing, caring and respectful to yourself? When you board an airplane, the flight attendant will give you instructions on how to put your oxygen mask first. FIRST. Even if you have a baby on your lap. This shows that, in order to help others, you need to be at your best first and foremost. Without your oxygen mask on, how are you going to assist people around you? Make sure you have that oxygen mask on, so that you can actually breathe before you take on bigger endeavours.

Self-care, like any other habit, requires discipline. Here are some tips to creating time and space for it.

• Schedule time to practice self-care in whichever form you choose. If you schedule business meetings, your kids activities, time to meet a friend who needs a shoulder to cry on, and you spend hours on social media, surely you can dedicate some time to do (or not do!) whatever helps you relax and recharge.
• Unplug. Spend less time online. Whether is Netflix, engagement on social media discussions, or messaging back and forth, take it down a notch. The internet is a great source of knowledge and entertainment, but it's important to track and monitor how much time we spend in front of the screen. Once we do, we can make an informed decision on how much we want - and need - to cut back. Tip: if you are a social media junkie, delete all apps from your phone. This means you will only check your SM accounts when you are in front of the computer, which will diminish your screen time considerably.
• Avoid overbooking yourself. You want to feel productive, you might think that if every minute of your day is filled, you'll feel more accomplished. If you end up sick and exhausted as a result of a burnout, it's not going to matter much how much you did, because you might end up spending weeks or months recovering from doing too much and not listening to your body.  Leaving some blank spaces on your agenda is ok.
• Learn to say no. One of the golden rules for self-care success is knowing when to say no. Decline a second round of drinks, limit yourself to one or two episodes of your favourite show a day, leave the laundry pile on the couch until tomorrow (or the day after), and get some rest. Avoid meeting people who drain your energy. Say no. Practice your NOs.  Saying no will allow you to recharge your batteries and focus on what really matters. The more you say no, the easier it'll get. Practice makes perfection!
• Let others take care of themselves. As much as we like to think we are irreplaceable, here's the groundbreaking truth: we are not. Unless you have a small baby or a dependant relative 24/7, you don't need to take care of everyone at all times. Even then, there might be a possibility for someone to cover for you for a while, so that you can find that time to practice self-care in whichever form you choose. Let your colleagues, clients, partner, children, and friends figure things out. Be present, but don't supervise.  You will be surprised of how much they can achieve without you micromanaging them. Ask for help and set expectations so that no one is disappointed, including yourself.
• Create your own magic potion. We all need self-care in our lives, but what works for me, might not work for you and viceversa. Find out what helps you get into that state of mind of relaxation and happiness. Whether self-care for you means taking a long nap, walking in nature, doing your nails at the salon, practicing meditation, going for a swim, getting a new haircut, writing a journal, or drawing, make time for what matters to you and postpone the rest. You can delay meeting a friend. You can outsource some activities that might be taking too much of your time. You can and should ask for help. Your wellbeing, however, cannot hit the pause button.

Every single person, whether we are healthy, ill, or in the middle of a burnout, needs to address self-care. The only way we can do that is by making time for it and sticking to it. Create a plan, make it happen, don't cancel on your self-care date. It's probably the only one you'll never regret scheduling.